How many people has this happened to? You are out one night and you spot a pals partner with someone else and he/she is not treating the other party like a sibling - y'know, dirty dancing et al... You try to ignore it (if i cant see it, it didnt happen) by looking the other way and having yourself a good ole time.
Next day you get a call from your pal saying "oh X says he saw you last night. He was out with his cousin who just came in from out of town."
You are like. "Oh yes, thats right. I thought i spotted him/her. Cousin right? Cuul!"
or, "The lying cheatin dog! He was giving her a tonsilectomy actually. I was going to call you to let you know but i wanted to have breakfast first."
what the heck do you do? Any why did X just have to drop you in it?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Too Much Is Never Enough
Every young boy is basically Charlie.
Sweet young kid.
Then the hormones kick in and its time for them to troop off to the world famous Chocolate Factory aka The Candy Shop aka The World of Women.
And lurking near every Chocolate Factory is an Augustus Gloop.
Remember him? The greedy m****f***** that loved the chocolate so much he fell into Willy Wonka's chocolate river.
Sometimes too much is just never enough.
In this world of skanks, skeezers and gold-digging hos, a man knows he's lucky enough to meet ONE good woman. The smart guys, get on Oprah's sofa and start bouncing around with joy as they feel they are literally the luckiest men in the world.
The daft guys just keep asking for more.
Lets take Truth's story from the top.
Guy meets girl A, they get talking, like each other, swap numbers, agree to meet again next weekend.
During the week, guy meets girl B, they like each other, swap numbers, agree to meet again the next weekend.
At this point, I don't think anybody has done anything wrong.
He meets Girl A on Saturday, they like each other, hang out, agree to meet again.
He meets Girl B on Sunday, they like each other, hang out, agree to meet again.
Its easy to see how this can keep going on for longer than planned and how it could have started without any malice or ill-intent. Its easy enough to see how in the early stages there's no real commitment. Then again, some guys are just like Augustus Gloop and will keep going until they drown in it.
So I'll tell you what I do.
Ask.
Are you seeing anyone else?
He might tell the truth, he might lie but instead of just listening, watch his reactions to see if you believe him. Then take the responsibility into your own hand s and decide what you choose to believe. Lie to yourself if it makes you happy (it never does), let your paranoid psychotic neurosis get the better of you if it pleases you.
If he says he is, ask him if he intends to continue. If he says yes, you say thank you for a lovely dinner, get up and leave.
Whatever happens, just be sure to realise you made a choice on what to believe.
Now, onto the supposed friends.
Girl 1 is the real scoundrel and Girl Number 2 got shafted.
If Girl 1 knew the guy was seeing Girl 2, why not bring it up with him or with her?
If you respect yourself, the guy or your friend, you'll say something.
If you speak to your friend and you both like the guy, first dibs yeah?
If she got there first, back off.
If its supposed to be it will be. With you, with her or far more likely, with someone else!
There are over 6 billion of us in the world.
Read carefully.
You
Will
Find
Someone
Else
Keeping a boyfriend-in-common quiet is shady. Whichever way you look at it.
And shady always finds a way to bite shady's ass.
The problem with all this unda-g nonsense that people in Lagos love so much is friends often end up shagging the same guy and everyone is busy keeping schtum about who they're with.
I remember being out at a dinner and two girls were talking about the guy they were seeing. One girl lived in Lagos, one girl lived in london and you know what? They were kinda similar looking. I asked who he was, they both said they wanted to keep things quiet. I pointed out if a guy wants to 'keep things quiet' he's probably shagging your mate.
Friday, January 23, 2009
‘Boy meets girls’ AKA ‘A tale of two scoundrels’
Picture this… Boy meets girl one fine evening, they hit it off and start dating. But boy is a player and meets another girl who he also gets on with and he starts dating her too!
You’ve all heard this before eh? So what? Guys do it all the time….well it gets better. Turns out the girls are friends – not best friends but friends who meet up occasionally for a drink. Fast forward two to three months and boy starts acting up with girl no. 2 - turns up late for dates or is a no show; has fantastic excuses – I got mugged but I managed to chase him down and get him arrested; eased off on the marriage talk etc etc . (Red flag!! If a guy makes a sudden change for no good reason; you haven’t argued etc, he is up to no good) Of course she is puzzled, hurt etc, but girlfriend is not about to be dumped and she can see it coming so she sets up a meeting with boy and nips it in the bud.
A week after the ‘end of the affair’ girls hook up to catch up and First Girlfriend in a state of confusion, guilt whatever you want to call it, confesses that she is with the guy, had found out about him seeing her friend – which he promptly denied saying Second Girlfriend was delusional, chasing after him and that he certainly wasn’t dating her..(Red flag!! If a guy disses a girl you ask him about, he is into her or hitting it) and, she believed of course because she had known him for a whole 3 months - a lifetime compared to the 10 years she had known her friend! Of course! But she just had to tell her friend all about it and she and boy were in love blah blah blah…
Needless to say, they didn’t last long either! I mean seriously! True story though…
So tell me, who is the bigger scoundrel?
You’ve all heard this before eh? So what? Guys do it all the time….well it gets better. Turns out the girls are friends – not best friends but friends who meet up occasionally for a drink. Fast forward two to three months and boy starts acting up with girl no. 2 - turns up late for dates or is a no show; has fantastic excuses – I got mugged but I managed to chase him down and get him arrested; eased off on the marriage talk etc etc . (Red flag!! If a guy makes a sudden change for no good reason; you haven’t argued etc, he is up to no good) Of course she is puzzled, hurt etc, but girlfriend is not about to be dumped and she can see it coming so she sets up a meeting with boy and nips it in the bud.
A week after the ‘end of the affair’ girls hook up to catch up and First Girlfriend in a state of confusion, guilt whatever you want to call it, confesses that she is with the guy, had found out about him seeing her friend – which he promptly denied saying Second Girlfriend was delusional, chasing after him and that he certainly wasn’t dating her..(Red flag!! If a guy disses a girl you ask him about, he is into her or hitting it) and, she believed of course because she had known him for a whole 3 months - a lifetime compared to the 10 years she had known her friend! Of course! But she just had to tell her friend all about it and she and boy were in love blah blah blah…
Needless to say, they didn’t last long either! I mean seriously! True story though…
So tell me, who is the bigger scoundrel?
Monday, January 19, 2009
I Like To Google Myself
If you go looking for trouble you'll most probably find it. Isn't life hard enough already?
Ladies, ignorance is bliss.
Don't you find your stupid friends seem perpetually happier than your PHD from MIT, MBA from Harvard and Undergrad at Oxford friends? Yeah, thought so.
When shopping for make-up, before I decide I'm going to listen to the the saleswoman, I take a look at her make-up. If it looks good, I'll listen. If it looks positively drag queen like, I'll stop listening to her and listen to myself or I'll move along.
When I'm going on holiday, to help me decide on which the most accurate up-to-date guide books are, I'll see what they have to say about the cities I know like the back of my hand. If what they say is accurate I'll buy the book for the city I'm going to, if not, I'll move along (Lonely Planet and Time Out usually come out on top)
Before you start driving yourself to an early grave as you find out your new love was an axe-murderer, google yourself. If the information you find on you is 100% accurate (and it almost certainly isn't) then fine, take whatever is written about him as the gospel truth.
Truth's friend, the one that met the guy online, there's every possibility he's attached, but then again the information might just be out of date. Stop beating around the bush and just ask him. He might lie, he might tell the truth but more than listening to what he says, watch his reactions. Fidgeting, looking down at the floor, away from you, touching his face, breaking out in a sweat, changing the subject, refusing to answer are all signs that he's lying.
Truth's other friend, who found copies of the divorce document online. First of all, that type of thing is not easy to find so maybe she should think about moonlighting as a private detective as clearly that woman has snooping skills! But divorce is bitter, ugly, usually acrimonious, so chances are most people won't want to go into the sordid details of the demise of what was at least, once upon a time a loving relationship.
As everyone gets older, there's a lot more baggage carried, a lot more skeletons in the closet. Some you'll be told about, some you'll find out about but just make sure you focus on what's important to you. Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future. Every relationship every single person has is different as no two people are the same. Different people bring out different sides of all our personalities. Think about it, you've been different with different people, and chances are the ones that bit the dust were the ones that brought out your more negative qualities.
The world is full of player haters, nobody wants to believe anybody else can have a good thing going, especially if its with a 'bad guy' or 'bad girl'. There's a difference between bad people and people who do bad things. (And if you're sitting there like the Virgin Mary thinking you never do anything bad, you're lying to yourself, just be clear on that.) Why is it every time someone meets someone new, people start looking for the dirt on either party? Let them get to know each other in their own time and leave all the 'he said she said' in Atlanta. And if you've just met somebody new and your friends are giving you lots of he said she said, try as hard as possible to listen to your gut instincts on what you need to believe. And like the make up and guide book examples I gave, before you listen to your friends who are sharing the 'gospel truth' with you, take a look at them and how they conduct their lives...bed of roses or pile of poo?
So while the truth can set you free, remember curiosity killed the cat.
Ladies, ignorance is bliss.
Don't you find your stupid friends seem perpetually happier than your PHD from MIT, MBA from Harvard and Undergrad at Oxford friends? Yeah, thought so.
When shopping for make-up, before I decide I'm going to listen to the the saleswoman, I take a look at her make-up. If it looks good, I'll listen. If it looks positively drag queen like, I'll stop listening to her and listen to myself or I'll move along.
When I'm going on holiday, to help me decide on which the most accurate up-to-date guide books are, I'll see what they have to say about the cities I know like the back of my hand. If what they say is accurate I'll buy the book for the city I'm going to, if not, I'll move along (Lonely Planet and Time Out usually come out on top)
Before you start driving yourself to an early grave as you find out your new love was an axe-murderer, google yourself. If the information you find on you is 100% accurate (and it almost certainly isn't) then fine, take whatever is written about him as the gospel truth.
Truth's friend, the one that met the guy online, there's every possibility he's attached, but then again the information might just be out of date. Stop beating around the bush and just ask him. He might lie, he might tell the truth but more than listening to what he says, watch his reactions. Fidgeting, looking down at the floor, away from you, touching his face, breaking out in a sweat, changing the subject, refusing to answer are all signs that he's lying.
Truth's other friend, who found copies of the divorce document online. First of all, that type of thing is not easy to find so maybe she should think about moonlighting as a private detective as clearly that woman has snooping skills! But divorce is bitter, ugly, usually acrimonious, so chances are most people won't want to go into the sordid details of the demise of what was at least, once upon a time a loving relationship.
As everyone gets older, there's a lot more baggage carried, a lot more skeletons in the closet. Some you'll be told about, some you'll find out about but just make sure you focus on what's important to you. Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future. Every relationship every single person has is different as no two people are the same. Different people bring out different sides of all our personalities. Think about it, you've been different with different people, and chances are the ones that bit the dust were the ones that brought out your more negative qualities.
The world is full of player haters, nobody wants to believe anybody else can have a good thing going, especially if its with a 'bad guy' or 'bad girl'. There's a difference between bad people and people who do bad things. (And if you're sitting there like the Virgin Mary thinking you never do anything bad, you're lying to yourself, just be clear on that.) Why is it every time someone meets someone new, people start looking for the dirt on either party? Let them get to know each other in their own time and leave all the 'he said she said' in Atlanta. And if you've just met somebody new and your friends are giving you lots of he said she said, try as hard as possible to listen to your gut instincts on what you need to believe. And like the make up and guide book examples I gave, before you listen to your friends who are sharing the 'gospel truth' with you, take a look at them and how they conduct their lives...bed of roses or pile of poo?
So while the truth can set you free, remember curiosity killed the cat.
Friday, January 16, 2009
To Google or not to Google
I watched an episode of Cashmere Mafia in which the ladies were looking for a lover for one of the 'stick up her arse red head' (not so up on their names yet) after she had discovered her another one of her husband’s numerous affairs. Anyhoo they find the perfect man for this character and google him and voila all this wonderful information comes up complete with gorgeous picture! Realistic?
Well, every good author has to research their material so I got a friend to try and it and we found some information about a guy she had recently met online and yes, there he was pictures and all – including the fact that he is well and truly attached!
What a bummer eh? I think that is the problem right there – you never know what you gonna find and no, it won’t be a nice box chocolates either!
I heard about someone who found the divorce papers of her boyfriend online. She knew he was divorced but the reasons he gave were quite different to the ones in the document. The questions now is who to believe? Him? Or, this lady she had never met? How many of us would ask him about it without feeling like stalkers or having the guy say, “You did what? I feel so violated! I don’t know if I can trust you any more!”
So guess what did she do? Absolutely nothing…
What would you have done?
Well, every good author has to research their material so I got a friend to try and it and we found some information about a guy she had recently met online and yes, there he was pictures and all – including the fact that he is well and truly attached!
What a bummer eh? I think that is the problem right there – you never know what you gonna find and no, it won’t be a nice box chocolates either!
I heard about someone who found the divorce papers of her boyfriend online. She knew he was divorced but the reasons he gave were quite different to the ones in the document. The questions now is who to believe? Him? Or, this lady she had never met? How many of us would ask him about it without feeling like stalkers or having the guy say, “You did what? I feel so violated! I don’t know if I can trust you any more!”
So guess what did she do? Absolutely nothing…
What would you have done?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Making a list and checking it twice...
Makes sense doesn’t? If Santa does it why don’t we ‘make a list and check it twice, trying to find out who is naughty or nice!’
So, someone approaches you with a sweet business proposition. It sounds tempting… It looks good on the surface and the figures seem to add up. What do you do? Do you take them at a word and sign up, or do you check them out?
I think most people would run a check on this prospective business partner to try and find out who knows them, who has worked with them and if this idea is as good as it sounds.
Even if this deal comes from a friend – doesn’t your sixth sense tell you to speak to someone else about it first? How many of us have been burnt by going into business with friends?
So, how many of us apply this rule to people we date? I would like to know how many of you have Googled someone when you have met them, or tried to find out who this person really is before you embark on the journey of love.
Do we put as much effort into verifying information about a person who could potentially be a life partner as we do into someone who could potentially be a business partner?
Is it better to lose your money or to lose your sense of dignity, worth and come to think of it, possibly, money too?
Or, is it going too far? Is it an invasion of privacy?
You have questions? You need answers - we will give them to you?
So, someone approaches you with a sweet business proposition. It sounds tempting… It looks good on the surface and the figures seem to add up. What do you do? Do you take them at a word and sign up, or do you check them out?
I think most people would run a check on this prospective business partner to try and find out who knows them, who has worked with them and if this idea is as good as it sounds.
Even if this deal comes from a friend – doesn’t your sixth sense tell you to speak to someone else about it first? How many of us have been burnt by going into business with friends?
So, how many of us apply this rule to people we date? I would like to know how many of you have Googled someone when you have met them, or tried to find out who this person really is before you embark on the journey of love.
Do we put as much effort into verifying information about a person who could potentially be a life partner as we do into someone who could potentially be a business partner?
Is it better to lose your money or to lose your sense of dignity, worth and come to think of it, possibly, money too?
Or, is it going too far? Is it an invasion of privacy?
You have questions? You need answers - we will give them to you?
Friday, January 9, 2009
Who's zooming who?
Everything is okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end.
If its not okay, yet it's looking curiously like the end, VENT!
You probably just need to get some issues off your chest to get the closure you need.
Somehow or another the truth always comes out, nobody is that slick or that sharp that they get to dodge the biggest mutha of them all, the truth.
So will the real slim shady please stand up?
Whether you've been an artful dodger or been artfully dodged, in love, in life, at work...The Truth and The Answer would love to hear your stories.
Help yourself and others learn from your own experiences and lets get wiser on how to spot a scoundrel.
Every single one of them has an Modus Operandi..so lets give everyone the heads up on what to look out for. Its about spotting that scoundrel and walking away before you lose your dignity, peace of mind or some hard cash!
What say you?
If its not okay, yet it's looking curiously like the end, VENT!
You probably just need to get some issues off your chest to get the closure you need.
Somehow or another the truth always comes out, nobody is that slick or that sharp that they get to dodge the biggest mutha of them all, the truth.
So will the real slim shady please stand up?
Whether you've been an artful dodger or been artfully dodged, in love, in life, at work...The Truth and The Answer would love to hear your stories.
Help yourself and others learn from your own experiences and lets get wiser on how to spot a scoundrel.
Every single one of them has an Modus Operandi..so lets give everyone the heads up on what to look out for. Its about spotting that scoundrel and walking away before you lose your dignity, peace of mind or some hard cash!
What say you?
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