Practice Makes Perfect?

Don't let a dark past cloud a bright future.

If the guy is divorced, maybe he married the wrong woman. It happens more than most people care to admit.

Been together for a while and 'its the next logical step'

Didn't think anyone better would come along

Maybe he succumbed to family and/or peer pressure.

Its your job to make sure you both communicate well enough to find out what the guy is REALLY like.

Remember there's always his side of the story, her side of the story and then what really happened. So when you ask him, listen objectively to why he says it didn't work out. And no "it didn't work out" is not a viable reason to end a marriage so I'd recommend you press for a better answer that sheds some light onto what this guy was like in a marriage.

Is he a hardcore playerplayer?

Did he make her a human punchbag?

These might be hard questions to get an honest answer to but if you suspect either might be the case, ask. And then watch his reaction. Any signs of nervousness or guarded behaviour should help you see all might not be as sweet as you had hoped for.

But on the flip side, maybe he did just marry the wrong girl at the wrong time.

In which case you're the beneficiary.

And at least unlike the playboy-flying-solo for life, at least you know he's capable of going through the whole shebang.

If he's willing to take the plunge again with you, chances are he learnt a lot of key lessons the first time round about what not to do in a marriage.

And sometimes knowing what not to do can prove more valuable than knowing what to do!

Practice Makes Perfect?

The 4 ‘D’s - dilemma of dating a divorced dude!

A divorced man may or may not be a blessing for new galpal. If ex-wifey did a good job of making him a real man before she left then.. good news for you! If she left broken and tired or without any luggage because it was easier and quicker to do so then… move on sista!

At this point I will say that if the man is a known wife beater, serial philanderer or murderer then there really is nothing much one can do with this sort of man so once again, keep walking!

Anyway back to the matter at hand; how do we ensure we get the right kind of divorced man? I have heard women say it’s better if he had no children because this would mean less money for yours, or he will always have his former wife in his life, but is that really the worst thing that can happen? Isn’t good to see what he is like with children and how generous he is?

Or people say try and find out what happened between them because he might be no good. How do you do this and must it always be his fault? You can ask him but will you get a straight answer or the truth? Most times you only get to hear one side – his! If you are lucky and you hear about her through the grapevine you must be careful to take it all with a pinch of salt but observe him through it all. If he is still friends with her watch their relationship very closely. It will tell you a lot about him. The answers are often right in front of us but we choose not to see.

Very importantly don’t forget the psychological damage that a divorce can bring though - there are men out there whose wives have left them because they met someone else, or because they couldn’t support them. Even the bastards can suffer from damage – it is only human. Find out how long he has been divorced for and if he has dated since.

What I do know for sure is that when a man tells you who he, is or shows you who he is, best believe him - married, divorced or single. Don’t make excuses for him but take it that the real him did that. If a man doesn’t look after his kids and gives lame excuses about an ex who won’t let him, accept that he is a dead beat dad. You see real men every day going to such lengths to find their kids or men in court trying to get visitation rights.


Some people married young and did end up with the wrong person. Some just plain don’t know what they want or what they are doing. The key thing is to keep your eyes wide open. Listen carefully and try to gather information from his friends and siblings once you are on that level. Watch the way he is with his family and friends – that also tells you about how generous he is or how kind.

Just because someone is divorced it doesn’t mean they are bad people. There are lots of singles out there who are terrible and don’t want to settle down. There are some serial marriers too but if you don’t want to be a victim then proceed with caution.

I have heard good and bad things about people who have ended up with divorcé’s. Give him a chance, keep in mind what you want but...don’t make excuses for him..

I am woman, hear me roar

Cougars, MILFs, sugar mommas.
Call them what you will but as much as players change, the game remains the same.
A giver & a taker.
That is one of the most basic fundamentals in relationships.
One person just wants and does keep on giving.
One person just wants and does keep on taking.

The person with more money is at risk of being used for their money.
But then again, the trade off of a few sparkly gifts for youthful exuberance might not be such a bad one.
The young hot summer bunny, is at risk of being loved for only the way that they look.
But in exchange for a few (or many) sparkly gifts, that's not necessarily such a bad exchange.

Money makes the world go round and money is the root of all evil. Some guys marry certain women for their cash, some women marry men for their cash. Some people, know their youth is all they have to work with so they always pick someone way older. Whatever floats your little boat.

People just need to man up and at least be honest with themselves as to why they're in the situations they're in.

No point telling your boys, you're in love with the crusty old heffa who just happens to live in a huge pad, sends you off to her Kensington flat on the regular and hands you the keys to her CLS without being prompted.

But if you ARE in love with the crusty old heffa, don't lie to yourself about it and allow what could be a good relationship to be crushed under the weight of society's expectations.

Because at the end of the day, as much as the hoi polloi might want to say they knew first, don't make the mistake of thinking anybody actually cares.

Just remember, no matter how good or bad things might look on paper, after the party jollof has been eaten, there's only two of you that have to find a way to co-exist in that big shiny house with the big shiny toys.

You can run but you can't hide.