The real Cougars

Cougar: the term for older women dating younger men! Fair? I don’t think so. Disparaging – yes, more like! Why are older women who date younger men called Cougars? Why make them sound as if they are on the prowl for fresh meat? And these young men – are they really innocent? I think not.

The whole ‘young men with older women’ is a current trend which shows no signs of going away. Some women swear by it whilst others are a bit ashamed that they had to go that route and keep it very on the DL.

I say, whatever makes you happy! At the end of the day, a man is man, is a man….But please don’t blame it on the women. Some times these relationships actually work out and can even lead to marriage. Other times these guys go into it for what they can get – from clothes to cars to money!

Most of these older women are not poor y’know! She wouldn’t even be called a Cougar if she were poor – trust me! She would just be pitied! It all sounds so much more exciting when said female is dripping in jewels and drives a flash car!

So back to these young men – the real Cougars.. I know of a younger guy who was with someone, in all honesty only about 7 years older than he was. He would hang out with her in the day time, do dinner and then jet at night claiming to be hanging out with his boys.

It turns out in reality he was scouting for younger women he could play with – take on dates, lie to – that sort of stuff. This young man was virtually living off the older woman and was spending a few nights a week at hers – he had just moved into town, was job hunting and trying to save money – or so he said.

Needless to say she booted him out when it got back to her that he was taking girls out with the money she had lent him to ‘get his car fixed’.


This could actually happen even if the guy is older than the woman but why do people enjoy it more when it is a younger man? Why is age so important and why don’t people freak out when younger women are with much older men, and spending their money? Now those chicks are Cougars!

Bag Lady...you're gonna break your back

Damaged goods is just a very polite way of saying I'm very f***ed up and have no intention to try to be better, different, nicer.

And when someone has already told you they're damaged, if they do anything that upsets you, and rest assured they will, they can (and will) always turn round and say "But I told you I was damaged".

It makes no sense.

So don't fall for it.

My advice, ladies and gents, is when someone tells you they're damaged, is to cancel your order and send it back to the kitchen.

You were looking for a nice plate of sirloin steak and they sent you a plate of bush meat full of bullets and schrapnel. No matter how much peppercorn sauce or bearnaise you add, its not going to make the bush meat a sirloin. The side order of veg (aka the effects) might temporarily distract you but they won't fulfill you. It was defective from the start.

So send it back.
(And spare yourself the pain of cracking a tooth on the unexpected shrapnel)

If you're over 35 and single, you've probably been in the dating game for 15-20 years so yes, agreed you've probably picked up some baggage along the way.

If you're over 35 and married, especially if you married for the wrong reasons (you know who you are), you've definitely picked up more than your fair share from the conveyor belt.

If you're over 40 and unmarried, maybe you're defective, maybe not. All our choices are half chance anyway. Like everybody else, you'd have made some good choices and some bad choices. But agreed, you too will be carrying some excess baggage.

Marriage is not for everybody and there are a number of married people who probably shouldn't be (again, you know who you are).

So in short, married, single, young, old, everybody has baggage. Nobody is perfect, you're not, I'm not, he's not. So how about we all stop pretending or striving for a level of perfection that is unattainable and learn to love the imperfections that make us all who we are.

So I'll urge you to deal with the issue of excess baggage by following the advice of Ludacris.

Just drink some prune juice and let that ish go.

Damaged Goods… handle with care

Have any men used this term on you in a bid to get out of something they have done, or, to try and explain why they should really be in the looney bin? ‘I am damaged goods…’

I honestly think it is quite a funny term – I have this image in my head of some guy in pieces in a cardboard box just going round and round on a conveyor belt at the airport cos no one wants to claim the box!

Ok, on a serious note if someone tells you he is damaged goods then best run a mile. That is a bad boy pretending to be good, telling you he is bad! It is just an excuse to behave badly.

However…. if you are over 35 and single, actually, even if you are married, you have probably had your fair share of hurt. It is practically impossible in the type of world we live in for anyone to have just had perfect, loving relationships all their lives. So there are lots of damaged goods out there – most of the time being damaged by those claiming to be damaged goods!

Recently a friend said anyone over 40 who is unmarried is defective! I thought ‘ouch!’ But I understood what she meant beneath the severity of it all. I don’t completely agree with her because I believe that circumstances such as where one lives, what one does etc and most importantly, what God has in store for you, come in to play.

So if we are all slightly defective – agreed, some more than others, why can’t we go and be defective together? Why are defective people looking for perfect people, knowing fully well they also have issues!

Isn’t it better to be amongst your fellow defectees than to look for the perfect goods? Why the ‘long throat?’ Or do we not know that we all have issues? What makes it ok for someone who you gave a chance knowing they were one foot in the psych ward to turn around and point out ALL your faults and then leave you!

When we go to Marshalls, TJ Maxx or Ross’s Dress for Less (go on, you know you love it) and we find a Donna Karan dress at 70% off the original price, it has a little tear at the bottom but apart from that it looks just fine. Don’t we buy it?

Ok so what am I really saying here? Just playing devils advocate ….

Mrs Me Too

Sigh.

Big sigh.

I just don't get it. To be the cause of so much pain, destruction, devastation.

Too many stories of guys leaving their first wife for the mistress only to give the final f*** you from the grave as he leaves his estate to the first wife.

Too many stories of guys leaving the first wife for the mistress only to spend the rest of his life in misery over the mistake he made.

Too many stories of the guy leaving the first wife for the mistress only to consistently impregnate the hoi polloi.

Too many stories of guys who never leave the wife.

Why? He's. Just. Not. That. Into. You.

If the guy lied and you didn't know he was with someone else or married, fair enough.

But if you did know and carried on regardless, je ne comprends pas.

You see Mr and Mrs looking all happy and think you want some of that too?

It wouldn't be the same with you so stop being a hater.

Stop sipping on your hatorade.

Why be Rebecca Loos to Victoria Beckham?

Why be Divine Brown to Liz Hurley?

Why be that nanny to Sienna Miller?

Why be that Abigail chick to Reese Witherspoon?

Why be that tramp to Cheryl Cole?

Why be the Mrs Me Too to the Mrs?

Why be the persistent (for now) gecko in someone elses house?

Why be the (as yet) undefeated cockroach in someone else kitchen?

Why be the pesky peacock making noise and eating the plants that just won't get out of someone else's garden?

Why be the persistent glitch in the gen that stops it from working?

Why be the fat on the edge of the meat that always get cut out?

Why be the crust on the bread that gets cut off for premium sandwiches?

Why be the split ends of the hair that always gets chopped off?

Why be the hangnail that gets massacred at the weekly mani/pedi but still keeps coming back for more?

Why be the bunion on someone's foot serving no purpose but discomfort?

Why be the sediment at the bottom of the premium wine bottle that nobody drinks?

Why be the crown that sits uselessly on top of the pineapple....its always the first to go.

How much fun would it be if every time you ate out, some pesky git ate off your plate?

How much fun would it be if every time you went shopping someone stole your money?

How much fun would it be if every time you tried to cook, someone stole your pot?

It wouldn't be.

So to all the underachieving, self loathing, low self esteem, low expectation having hater floozies that think playing second fiddle is a good idea....

Cease

and

desist.

Scoundrelles - female deviants

Okay ladies, it is time we took the forest out of our eyes and looked within ourselves. It is not just men that are DRS’s y’know! There are many females out there who give the decent ones a bad name!

Dating married men! Okay so tell me.. what is in it for you except for a few nights of passion (if you are lucky and he is any good), some gifts and if you are really special, a holiday somewhere exotic – in a hotel room which as it turns out is just in a different wing to the suite he is sharing with his wife and kids!

Let’s look at the down side – can you really spend his birthday with him? What about Christmas day? How about just going out for a plain, simple drink without the world watching you? What about his wife’s friends who all know about you and take every opportunity to make your life uncomfortable when they see you?

Why do women put themselves through this? I have heard some girls say it is less stressful than being in a proper relationship; or that they have reached an age where they are tired of waiting for Mr Right and that it is unfortunate that Mr ‘Right Now’ just so happens to be married – minor thing really! I even hear people say that married men are more available! How is this possible? How do you have more time on your hands if you are holding down a job, dealing with a wife and looking after kids? Call me naïve but I don’t have that kind of time right now and I aint got no kids!

We all know of, or have heard about men and their galpals and we are becoming very used to it. We comment on it in passing – almost bored with the gist – ‘you know he is seeing x?’ And the person you are telling no longer says ‘how could they?’ ‘What rot?’ but says. ‘I am happy for them!’ They are not really but they are tired of hearing this story.

So, when did it become the norm? I don’t blame the guys mind you. Yeah he took a vow etc etc but since the beginning of time men have been showing us daily that there are few things they take seriously - football and having a son.

If women weren’t available then they wouldn’t have this option. It would be stick with wifey or go gay!

Peace!

The Mrs Club

I think the problem here is men think 'marriage' is what women want to hear. (Ok, Truth's example, that guy was just a little special, 6 times?)

Men say marriage and all of a sudden everyone's happy and smiling and not complaining about them eating the last rolo.

Why is that?

I remember as soon as I graduated, all of a sudden the 'line' became, you'd make me a perfect wife. All the guys who were trying to get their mack on, suddenly started using this as the line that was supposed to issue them with a one way ticket OUT of the friend zone. While in

reality it just got them a side-eye and swift departure from me.

And then I noticed, post-uni a lot of women weren't on the hunt for the perfect job, they were on the hunt for a husband. For some women, they seem to feel that once you get a degree, you get married and start popping out babies and that is your lot in life. For some women, they've been bullied into submission by society, aunts, uncles, parents, telling

them they need to be married by 30....this leads to massive paranoia, insecurity and generally low self esteem which is never a good place to be in. And for what seems to be a minority, they don't get what all the fuss is about.

Developing countries seem to place an even higher level of importance in women getting 'married by 30' and the guys know this.

The smart slick ricks are wise to the game that mention the word marriage, the woman in question will assume she's being taken seriously and its open sesame. Ladies, before you start repeatedly bouncing your reality checks, remember for the male slut, the ends justifies the means.

I just wish that women would stop getting all carried away with guys insinuating the thought of marriage might have flitted across their minds for a brief millisecond. Women need to realise men are lucky to have you..NOT the other way round. Ideally you're lucky to have each other but NEVER EVER let some prick make you feel like he's doing you a favour by being with you.

As he's there feeling like the dalai-friggin-lama bestowing the gift of world peace on you, just stop and think if you would actually want to spend your life with him anyway. Too many a bad marriage is born out of the two people not thinking about what their lives will be like once the aso-ebi, lace and party jollof is over. Who is this person you're supposed to be spending your life with? How well do you know him?

I remember taking great delight in pricking the over-sized ego of a guy I dated briefly a long time ago. He was there feeling like King Kong, and his friend said. "Oh, he seems to like you a lot. Play your cards right and he might ask you to marry him". 

Astounded at the combined and singular arrogance of Dumb and Dumber, I happily replied "Who said I'd have him anyway?"

Dumb's ego was deflated like a helium balloon and Dumber was rolling on the floor with laughter. Not every relationship will end in marriage, not every relationship is supposed to lead to marriage.

Especially when you're young, just enjoy being in relationship as they give you a clearer idea of what you do and don't want in your life. While clearly there was no future for me and Dumb, we're still friends, and I know he respects me a lot more as I was never that pining,

passive, permissive bridezilla in the making.

I'll leave you with this very apt Lady Nancy Astor quote.

"I married beneath me, all women do"

So stick that in his pipe and tell him to smoke it.

I propose!

There are some guys out there who just love to propose! Have we come across them before ladies? You know the type who after a month of being with you tells you that he wants to marry you and starts making plans? What is up with these guys? Do they think it is a joke or something to be taken lightly? Ladies on this occasion - since more men propose than women - this is purely about men!

If a man tells you he wants to marry you or he actually says - will you marry me - in the heat of passion, then ladies he is kidding and it is only because at that point in time he cant even think straight. In some cases he doesnt even remember who is lying under him (or on top actually).

If after a month of dating - when the going is good - he starts making plans for marriage with you, be very weary... dont get all excited, just wait and see and always think about how you feel about the person. We all get caught up in romance or so-called love that we dont stop to think about how we feel and if we want to marry them!

If you bring it up another day and he either changes the topic, or cant recall even saying it, then know that he is not serious.

Men think that women love to hear that and feel it gives them some kind of power. Remember, if he could say so easily, he can retract just as easily!

I know of a guy who has proposed or talked marriage with about 6 women and hasnt married any. Is this normal behaviour?

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Do No evil?

First of all, SHADOW, whoever you are, you're clearly a guy and you sound like a bad guy.

We need to hear more from you on a regular basis! Women need to understand why guys like you do what you do.

Or is it just the simplest truth...because you can?

Ok, so Truth raised a tricky situation most people might have been unfortunate enough to find themselves in. What to do?

Well, remember most women will always shoot the messenger.

Before you even think about doing anything, be crystal clear on what you saw. 

If you didn't see any actual wrongdoing, you could well have the wrong end of the stick. Inappropriate flirting is never ideal but its not necessarily a dealbreaker either. So if you just see a friend's beau flirting in a big way, it could just be an ego trip. I'd recommend you have a word with the beau but leave your friend out of it.

BUT, if you see some serious wrongdoing...(and in a situation like this, unless you see them having around of tonsil tennis remember, there might not be any wrongdoing) I'd dodge the bullet with the messenger's name on it and go straight to the source of trouble, i.e. the man and stick your flippin' oar right in.

1. Out him in front of his date (no guarantee she cares but if there's any chance you might burn his cables, take it!). When I say out him, ask him, where is your girlfriend? 

2. Talk to the skank (if she knew he was attached) lady if not. Wait until you can catch her alone, when he goes to get a drink or better yet, if she goes to the bathroom. Just be honest, say "If it was me I would appreciate someone telling me, he lives with someone. just thought you should know." You can't control what she'll do with that information but at least she knows.

3. Talk to him and ask him what the f*** he's doing. He might feel bad, he might not but at least its a I see you, you see me situation.

4. Tell your friend. This one is tricky as I think many women know their men have some unsavoury extracurricular activities but are quite happy to play their role. So you marching up with your 'new' information, might 

a. not really be new

b. force her out of her f***ed up comfort zone and have to at least pretend to address a situation she'd rather ignore.

Keep the conversation as brief as possible, stick to the facts and don't meander with the story.

And be super sensitive to if she wants to talk in which case do, or not, in which case leave her alone and she can call you back when and if she's ready.

And back to what Truth said, the best liars know the most effective lies are the half truths. You're not as likely to mix up the details, and by saying he saw you before you speak to her, he's effectively squashed the situation......